Maude vs Godzilla

Unphased by imminent danger, I distracted Godzilla while Justin Bieber escaped to safety.

Ugh

I asked her not to come here. But so long as she was in town, I was determined to crash her speech.

It Was Nice of Oprah to Take One for the Team

I was tired of all of the attention, after all.

The Maude Team

After a few days on the set of the A-Team movie remake (2010), I realized there was room for only one B.A. Baracus. So I backed out.

Like I Said: I'm with Coco

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Conan would ask me to join him on stage during his "Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on TV" tour.

For Those of You Who Missed Thursday's Episode

I was called in to assist Oprah when she interviewed the cast from the Twilight series. Eat your heart out, lolcats.

Live from New York

Although initially asked to join Betty White for the Mother's Day episode of Saturday Night Live, I opted instead to do background work, leaving Betty in the limelight she so rightly deserved.

Some Say There's a Lot of Tension between Afghanistan and the U.S.

Turns out it's only me.

Hamid Karzai flew into Washington to discuss diplomatic relations with President Obama and Maude Lagata

Save It for the Ice, Boys

Though their mothers often threatened to wash their mouths out with soap, something tells me it was always an empty threat.

I Nearly Left When I Saw the Guest List

After all, I'm a proud member of team Coco.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner

So Close and Yet: So Far

We were both invited! Unfortunately, a restraining order kept my body 5 paces away from his heart.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner

My Arch-Enemy

I will get you one day, my squirrel friend...

...mark my words...